The postman always rings twice;
	The phone always rings until you answer it
		or yank it screaming from the jack
		audibly bleeding from the wound.
	The Phone Call never occurs at random
		but in response to a predetermined order of events
		starting with
			sitting on the toilet
		followed by
			changing a dirty diaper
		and then
			intimate bedtime activities
		and finally,
		when all else fails,
			during dinner.
	The Phone Call is never from someone you want to talk to—
		they only call when you're away and leave messages.
	Squawk Beep Ding-a-Ling Buzz Chirp Ring
	Sometimes I just want to smash the damn thing.

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